Change

I've been wanting to write a post that addresses my personal spiritual beliefs for some time. I have hesitated and stumbled and wrote and re-wrote, trying to get it exactly, precisely right. I suppose, too, I've been afraid of offending my conservative Christian friends, because much of what I believe to be true is far from the path that these folks I love dearly travel on. I indentify deeply with my Christian roots and upbringing, and many things about being a Christian resonate within me. But, at the same time, I also find great truth in the sacred texts and spiritual writings of other faiths, many of which I've incorporated into my own faith practices.

As the result of a recent "misunderstanding" between myself and a friend concerning differences in religious theology/doctrine, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. Not just random thoughts about any old thing, but specific thoughts about what is really important in my life and about how I have changed spiritually in the last 6 years or so.

I won't go into great detail, but this "misunderstanding" with this particular friend was about an inaccurate biblical and cultural interpretation concerning the traditional concept of "hell". She believes all the "unsaved" (God's enemies) are going there; I don't believe it exists, as taught by today's conservative, evangelical Christians, and as indicated by the original Greek of the New Testament. I rarely share my personal religious beliefs because, well, they're personal. Not everyone needs to be privy to what I believe about any particular issue, religious or otherwise, unless they ask and I feel comfortable enough with that person to tell. But, sometimes, every now and then, I feel absolutely compelled to speak. I occassionally find something so offensive and just outright wrong that I have no choice but to respond.

I realize that some may say I choose to speak up because I'm arrogant and think too highly of myself and my opinions, but that is truly not the case. I always try to respect the beliefs of others, particularly religious beliefs, because they so deeply represent the very soul of that person and how they relate to their world. But, when a biblical concept that has caused untold pain and suffering down through the ages, a concept that was invented to induce fear and servitude, continues to be propagated, even if by well-meaning, good people------well, I just can't keep silent.

As I've been thinking about where I am now and who I am and how far I've come, I feel a sense of purpose. I'm beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin and with what I believe, enough, maybe, to consider sharing that bit of myself with others without fear of condemnation or ridicule. I'm beginning to suspect that I've arrived, or am in the process of arriving, at a place in my life where I can finally not care, quite so much, about what others think of me and just be who I am. Then, of course, there are those times, as with this "misunderstanding", when I think, once again, "Oh, no! You've done it now! You just couldn't keep your mouth shut." At least with "two steps forward and one step back" I'm still making progress----just a little more slowly than I'd like.

I would like to think, though, that I am becoming a kinder, gentler person from what I once was. I'd like to think that I am learning to value people for who they are rather than for what they believe (or don't believe) and that being a friend to and with someone doesn't require that we are on the same path, whether that be religious, political, social, or even geographic. Actually, I find that friendships with those who are quite different from me are eye-opening experiences and wonderful opportunities for learning and growth. I'd like to think that I am a better wife and mother than I once was when I believed that everyone that didn't subscribe to my personal brand of Christianity was doomed to suffer an eternity in "hell"----those kind of thought processes can make a person downright cranky and leave them exhausted from all that judging of others! I'd also like to believe that I'm a better Believer than I once was----that I can love people unconditionally without any "strings", that I can disagree with someone on key points and still respect them. I really believe that is how God, however we choose to see him (or her), loves us. God is just too big to fit into our narrow box of contructs. He is beyond definition in a world that wants everything spelled-out; preferably on a highway billboard so we can read it as we speed past to our next assignment, the next thing on our "to do" list.

I read a fantastic book some months ago by Parker J. Palmer called, The Promise of Paradox. I found that, as I read, I was physically nodding my head on every page, at every paragraph. He perfectly detailed what I believe in such a beautifully profound way. One of my favorite quotes says, "But when Christians claim that their light is the only light and that anyone who does not share their understanding of it is doomed to eternal damnation, things get very dark for me." Things got dark for me, too, once upon a time. So dark, in fact, that I had to step away for awhile. And during that time, I began to examine myself, my beliefs, my practices---my whole person. What I found, and continue to find, surprised me. Somewhere along the way, I had changed. Some changes were very subtle, but some were like the difference between night and day!

I believe with all my heart that God meets us where we are. He comes to us, if we so choose, in a way that we can indentify with, a way that we are able to relate to. We will not all agree on matters of theology or doctrine, we cannot all envision God as the average white, American, Protestant populace does. And, as I said before, God is so much bigger than our minds can conceive and, as detailed in the concept of "inclusivism", God cannot and will not refuse the devotion of a sincere soul who sees him with a different face or calls him by a different name---it is just not in the character of the God I know. In fact, I believe that there is truth in every faith and I find it necessary and enlightening to learn about the many facets of various religions, not just to practice tolerance, but to find the gems of Godly truth within each of them. I suppose, in all honesty, I would have to call myself an Inclusivist/Pluralist----I don't agree with every doctrine presented by every religion, but I believe they all present valid ways in which God speaks to and meets those who genuinely seek Him.

We don't see the big picture, we don't have all the answers, and we may very well be wrong about a lot of things. But, you know what? I'm okay with that. It is much like the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:12, "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely." I say boldly, and with absolute certainty, that "there's a wideness to God's mercy." There is indeed.

"In my Father's house are many mansions."— The Bible, John 14:2

"I believe in the fundamental truth of all great religions of the world. I believe that they are all God-given and I believe that they were necessary for the people to whom these religions were revealed. And I believe that if only we could, all of us, read the scriptures of the different faiths from the standpoints of the followers of these faiths, we should find that they were, at bottom, all one and were all helpful to one another." — Mahatma Gandhi

Naveen Chawla, longtime friend and biographer of Mother Teresa asked her: "Do you convert?" She replied, "Of course I convert. I convert you to be a better Hindu or a better Muslim or a better Protestant. Once you've found God, it is up to you to decide how to worship him."

Robert Schuller interview with Billy Graham
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNCnxA91fHE

UK Apologetics (Inclusivism)http://www.ukapologetics.net/evinc.htm
The Harvard University Pluralism Projecthttp://pluralism.org/pages/pluralism/essays/from_diversity_to_pluralism

Coming Home

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave." ~Elmer Davis~

In just a few short days, my oldest son, Ryan, will be on his way home. He has been away for a little over 3 years, serving in the United States Army. What a roller-coaster ride this "Army life" has been for our whole family.

Ryan decided to enlist in the summer of 2006, just as he was beginning his senior year in high school. He was adamant about joining and my husband and I offered our encouragement and support, even though the thought of him being deployed to a war zone was unthinkable.

Just a month after graduation, Ryan left for Basic Training. In October 2007, after receiving his infantry training at Ft. Benning, Georgia, he was posted to the 4th Infantry Division at Ft. Hood, Texas. The Brigade was later re-flagged as the 1st Cavalry Division's 4th Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Regiment, 7th Battalion, and Ryan's orders to deploy to Iraq were soon secured. What was always in the back of my mind was becoming a reality. My son was going to war!

As I started mentally working my way through the certainty of his upcoming deployment, I went through so many different emotions---fear, pride, grief, dread, anger----they all showed themselves during this period of acceptance. My son was a soldier, and it was my job to love and support him through the long, dark days ahead.

Ryan left for Iraq on 10 June 2008. It was the beginning of a very long year----a year of jumping on the internet every morning to see what was going on where he was, hoping that there would be no news, because "no news is good news". It was a year of waking up in the middle of the night wondering what Ryan was doing at that very moment and then sending him my love across the continents and hoping he could feel it. It was a year of faithfully sending "care packages" every two weeks, packing each box a hundred times in a hundred different ways so I could squeeze as much as possible into every corner. It was a year of waiting for word from the FRG (Family Readiness Group) when I read in the news that the FOB (Forward Operating Base) had been mortared and there were casualties or that someone had been killed by an IED and information was pending notification of 'next of kin'. Oh, what a year it was!
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Ryan made it home, safe and sound, in June 2009. All the prayers, all the candles that were lighted on his behalf, all the loving thoughts that were soaked into the little bag of protection stones that Ryan kept in a pocket of his uniform, the Thor's hammer that he wore with his dog tags and the warrior spirit that it represented, and the good sense and training of both Ryan and his fellow soldiers, all worked together to carry him through. Along with a Muslim prayer cloth and prayer beads, Ryan brought back some amazing stories about his experiences in Iraq----some things that a mother would rather not know her son had to go through, some that were hard to hear.




And now, he's coming home. His contract is up, and, for now, he has decided he needs a break from the Army; a return to a "normal" life, to the area that he loves so much, college, work......LIFE!

What a journey this has been....for everyone. Although it is our sons and daughters who go about the day-to-day routine of Army life, as parents, we live it, too. In a different way, of course, but we live it.

WELCOME HOME, RYAN!!!

*****During the course of Ryan's deployment, I connected with several other 2-7 Cav moms who were dealing with their son's first deployment to a combat zone, as well. Through emails and phone calls, these women became sources of encouragement, support, and hope, to me and I to them. Even though our sons are on their way out of the Army, I continue to keep in touch with them. Cynthia, Karen, and Vicki-----you ROCK!!!!