I won't go into great detail, but this "misunderstanding" with this particular friend was about an inaccurate biblical and cultural interpretation concerning the traditional concept of "hell". She believes all the "unsaved" (God's enemies) are going there; I don't believe it exists, as taught by today's conservative, evangelical Christians, and as indicated by the original Greek of the New Testament. I rarely share my personal religious beliefs because, well, they're personal. Not everyone needs to be privy to what I believe about any particular issue, religious or otherwise, unless they ask and I feel comfortable enough with that person to tell. But, sometimes, every now and then, I feel absolutely compelled to speak. I occassionally find something so offensive and just outright wrong that I have no choice but to respond.
As I've been thinking about where I am now and who I am and how far I've come, I feel a sense of purpose. I'm beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin and with what I believe, enough, maybe, to consider sharing that bit of myself with others without fear of condemnation or ridicule. I'm beginning to suspect that I've arrived, or am in the process of arriving, at a place in my life where I can finally not care, quite so much, about what others think of me and just be who I am. Then, of course, there are those times, as with this "misunderstanding", when I think, once again, "Oh, no! You've done it now! You just couldn't keep your mouth shut." At least with "two steps forward and one step back" I'm still making progress----just a little more slowly than I'd like.
I would like to think, though, that I am becoming a kinder, gentler person from what I once was. I'd like to think that I am learning to value people for who they are rather than for what they believe (or don't believe) and that being a friend to and with someone doesn't require that we are on the same path, whether that be religious, political, social, or even geographic. Actually, I find that friendships with those who are quite different from me are eye-opening experiences and wonderful opportunities for learning and growth. I'd like to think that I am a better wife and mother than I once was when I believed that everyone that didn't subscribe to my personal brand of Christianity was doomed to suffer an eternity in "hell"----those kind of thought processes can make a person downright cranky and leave them exhausted from all that judging of others! I'd also like to believe that I'm a better Believer than I once was----that I can love people unconditionally without any "strings", that I can disagree with someone on key points and still respect them. I really believe that is how God, however we choose to see him (or her), loves us. God is just too big to fit into our narrow box of contructs. He is beyond definition in a world that wants everything spelled-out; preferably on a highway billboard so we can read it as we speed past to our next assignment, the next thing on our "to do" list.
I read a fantastic book some months ago by Parker J. Palmer called, The Promise of Paradox. I found that, as I read, I was physically nodding my head on every page, at every paragraph. He perfectly detailed what I believe in such a beautifully profound way. One of my favorite quotes says, "But when Christians claim that their light is the only light and that anyone who does not share their understanding of it is doomed to eternal damnation, things get very dark for me." Things got dark for me, too, once upon a time. So dark, in fact, that I had to step away for awhile. And during that time, I began to examine myself, my beliefs, my practices---my whole person. What I found, and continue to find, surprised me. Somewhere along the way, I had changed. Some changes were very subtle, but some were like the difference between night and day!
We don't see the big picture, we don't have all the answers, and we may very well be wrong about a lot of things. But, you know what? I'm okay with that. It is much like the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:12, "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely." I say boldly, and with absolute certainty, that "there's a wideness to God's mercy." There is indeed.
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Patty, I will read your post in full with a large cup of tea, but one thing I noticed almost immediately was your need to explain your feelings so people understand you better, this is something I relate to very much. However, maybe, just maybe, it is not you that needs to explain more deeply but others who need to hear what you say! I think no matter how detailed your description of personal spiritual views some friends or people close to you will simply not hear you, you cannot make people hear if they are not receptive to what you say ... this is just the way things are, I am trying to accept this myself, and its not easy. I just want to say I think knowing who you are within yourself is a pretty good start xxx
ReplyDeleteYou are SO right, Sharon! I suppose I was/am hoping that someone (actually, several people in particular) WILL hear me-----and then, work toward understanding, not necessarily acceptance or even agreement, but just a willingness to try to understand. And yes, knowing who we are within ourselves IS a good start! Blessings to you, Sharon---I appreciate you!
ReplyDeleteI see why you want to put energy into your blog, it's lovely. I totally agree with you and hang in there being your authentic self! It can be hard work being yourself but also connecting with others the have different beliefs...but well worth it.
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